Calm down, ladies. When a guy wants his own space in the house — make it a cave, garage, bar, media room, billiards hall, woodshop or bowling alley — it’s not a red flag indicating that he’s rebelling on your relationship, attempting to avoid you or shirking social responsibilities. In fact, having one’s own personalized distance is actually necessary and important psychologically for everybody.
“Space is very important for regulating feelings,” states Sam Gosling, a University of Texas at Austin psychology professor and author of Snoop: What Your Materials Says About You. Gosling studies how distance is a strong mechanism for evoking our feelings, and he’s seen firsthand how getting your personal space, decorated by you alone, could positively impact emotional well-being. “It’s incredibly important to be in one’s own space and resonate with who you is,” he states.
Enter guy caves. Whether we’re building a vessel, playing computer games, reading car magazines, listening to loud music, working on a bike, or watching action movies or five sports matches simultaneously, man caves serve a standard psychological role, even if the man knows of it or not. And it’s especially vital if the guy’s emotional needs aren’t being met in different spaces. (Yes, honey, but imitation moss within a cloche is doing nothing for me.)
“it is a method of saying, ‘I love my loved ones and blossoms, but that’s not what I need to control my feelings,”’ Gosling states. “Man caves are the architectural equivalent to hanging out with your mates.”
So that you see? We are delicate emotional beings. We just need a kegerator (a fridge for a keg of beer) and power tools to deal.
When it comes to designing and designing a guy cave, Gosling says it’s extremely important that there’s not any compromise. (Shall I repeat that, ladies? No compromise!)
That’s because a distance which properly satisfies and modulates emotional and mental needs is much less prone to evolve if someone else affects the outcome.
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Because women traditionally accountable for decorating a family, the most important living spaces tend to control her emotions much better than the person’s. This will leave us guys feeling isolated, even if it’s on a subconscious level.
“Many people aren’t sensitive to that,” Gosling says. “I really don’t think folks are thinking, ‘I need to control my emotions.’ They are thinking, ‘I need somewhere to build my ship. While I’m there, I’m going to read the magazines I enjoy. Listen to the songs I enjoy.’ So it evolves.”
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“Even in situations where the two couples have professions and also the space is perceived as a compromise, it may not be meeting the emotional needs for the individuals,” Gosling continues. “Private space remains incredibly important.”
GRADY-O-GRADY Construction & Development, Inc..
While men might be unaware of this need, it’s definitely current. Kira Sterling, chief marketing officer for Toll Brothers custom home builders, says that her company is seeing a dramatic uptick in the number of requests for additional man space. “Men are carving out space with a lot of technology, surround sound, wet bars, exercise equipment, steam, saunas, wine bars and storage,” she states. “It’s almost like tree houses from the childhood: no girls allowed.”
Freelance movement designer Philippe Vendrolini, who operates mainly from house, turned this $13,000 garden studio space into a personalized guy cave, using a small library, a sofa and distance for jamming.
This homeowner, meanwhile, wanted to use his garage as an entertainment hub where he could watch TV, function beer, smoke cigars and readily get into the garden pool and barbecue, but still have the ability to store things like bikes, toys and strollers. To make this happen, designer Kate Cullen at California Closets Twin Cities made a kitchen area for a kegerator and overhead storage to his kids’ bikes and toys.
The proprietor even installed a one way screen that comes down as soon as the garage door is open so he could smoke cigars and people see, but they can not see him.
The cigar-smoking proprietor, a large fan of the Rat Pack, owns a graphics firm that made all of the artwork for the distance. His workers possess the Vegas-style neon light habit made as a gift.
The space can be heated and air conditioned for cold Minnesota winters and humid summers. The job cost between $15,000 and $17,000.
“There’s an old expression that a guy’s house is his castle” says Ginny Snook Scott, chief design officer of California Closets. “No. A woman’s house is your castle. The garage would be the guy’s castle.”
Scott has seen the guy space evolve and gain fame over nearly three years. She has seen a tendency toward getting kegerators, wine fridges and a number of different gizmos, gadgets and resources right at guys’ fingertips.
The Internet has helped shape this tendency. Millions of photos and styles of unique spaces are exposing individuals to broad design thinking. So in a feeling, designers and homeowners have gotten much smarter about personalizing their own spaces.
Scott states that the custom design market has allowed individuals to have more choices and freedom to create precisely the kind of spaces they want, and they are ready to pay for them.
“Men are searching for amenities that give them a special sense of reward,” Scott says. “They work hard; they want to play hard.”
Karla Rodriguez, head of advertising at HartmanBaldwin, states the owner of this detached studio in Claremont, California, had spent his whole life living in a space made by his own wife, and he wanted his own space where he would reflect, read and write.
Naturally, there’s also a kegerator plus a full bathroom.
Whoever owns this Tudor-style house, also by HartmanBaldwin and in Claremont, California, built his fortune by manufacturing and had always wanted a location where he could tinker (he earns a lot of patents) and restore classic cars.
Typical in the majority of man cave situations, he told his wife she would have anything she wanted in the house (French country) and garden (English fashion), however “the garage and workshop are me,” he states.
The space comprises a workshop, where he rebuilds motors, and a place for restoring old cars.
Rodriguez states a full bath with shower is nearly always requested for a man cave. “I’m not positive if guys want it or it’s a compromise with their wives,” she states. “Sort of a, ‘You can have your individual distance, but you must be clean until you run in this house!'”
This homeowner converted the loft space to some model-car museum and model-car garage.
“Man caves are often portrayed as denial to grow up. Or as a resistance to a connection being incorporated,” Gosling says. “That is a totally legitimate need within the context of a connection. People need to take it seriously.”
So, come on. Give us just this 1 room. We might even invite you down for a beer every now and then.
Your turn: Show us your guy cave! Please post a photo and tell us about it in the Comments below.
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